It is Monday morning, <insert it is now Wednesday night and I went from Coffee to wine…. still getting used to this online writing and the emotion of typing and being finished. Obsessive edit needs to be put to rest> I am sitting in my forever favorite coffee shop, Mudsmith. I went live with my website at these tables, I have laughed, cried, broke down, had s u p e r n a t u r a l experiences go down… all at these tables. I am so much in love with the staff and so specifically their tables that I have two of them in my kitchen at home, tables that is, not staff. Although if I could afford them in my home that would be the bomb. On this Monday morning we are celebrating the 1st of May, the start of my birthday celebrations. This time last year I was making the decision to go sober for my 25th birthday. I ask for your patience and grace as I unlayer more of my ‘Heart Transplant’ year. This blog platform is because of my business and it is important to me to respect my experiences and privacy. I am not sure when or what all I will share over time, but what I do is trust the Lord and what he needs me to share to inspire others. There were times during that year that I was flat broke, too ashamed to go to my family for support, yet too broken to give my heart to client projects. A tickler when you are passionate about your work, is when your heart feels dried up or wounded, it can be challenging to position your heart to give half-ass work to something you are usually brilliant at. During these times I used to come to Mudsmith, even though I did NOT need to be spending $5 on a cup of coffee, simply to get a hug from the baristas. I felt so lonely at the time and sometimes those hugs are what got me through the day. So I highly encourage if you find yourself in Dallas, Texas to pop by Mudsmith for a cup of Joe and a hug. < Now back to our regular programing 😉 >
I have sat at these tables time after time, through a multitude of emotions. After having a “heart transplant” aka becoming a born again Christian your life changes. There is no denying it. There is no avoiding it, though I am not sure why I would want to. I was able to unknowingly test this last week in San Fransisco with some of my good friends. It was my first time to SF and for the first time I felt like a city was “too cool” for me. When we were talking about certain life style topics, like dating or making friends in the city I would have normally totally jumped in and been giggling along with the stories, but instead I was too busy processing this reaction of discomfort over modern day girl talk. When I fell to my knees a little over a year ago and heard the voice of our Father for the first time I had no idea what I was embarking on. I did not know my life was going to so drastically change. I still feel like every day is a new day. What I do know is that I no longer feel alone in this crazy world. I feel like I have comfortable boundaries that I sometimes brush up against when I start to walk with wiggly knees. I organically had a much different reaction to that girl talk. Suddenly my heart felt adolescent to San Fransisco’s wild spirit, although my novel of experiences are anything but adolescent. Yes I believe everyone needs the Lord. I know from experience how beautiful my life feels now with His intimacy. I also know that this is the most ME I have ever felt. I have always had a wild spirit, that did or did not play well with others depending on how you look at it. I was not quick to stand up for “what I believed” because I was always “down for whatever”.
It is almost like parts of your life that need to be changed are highlighted. The Lord does not change these habits. Which I wish he would, but that is the lazy bones in me talking. What he has done for me is highlight those areas that need to be changed and even sometimes going as far as to highlight how to go about that change. He simply leaves it up to us to put it into action. *Que eye roll and giggle* As I was celebrating my 25th going sober was something I needed to do. Not because I was going totally loco every night and dancing the nights away. It was because the meaning behind the substance of choice had changed. As I step into my 26th year one of the areas in my life being highlighted is my diet. My eating habits have gone through a roller coaster over the years and I have had the opportunity recently to go through some different experiences where I am able to see how my diet directly affects my mind, my emotions, my energy, the list goes on. Food for me has become such a mental game, ignoring at times what makes my body happy and strong. Fueling it with sugars and processed garb that simply has no positive sense, apart from the initial moment on the palette. It is not emotionally easy to always make the right choice when it comes to food.
Generally challenging to go out to dinner with friends, let alone a date night where you are already giving off high maintenance vibes because society has declared that simplicity within our diets is just soooo boring. This year I am going to strive to declare my foundation. Respect who it is that the Lord is showing me he made me to be. Placing my focus on him, while putting his strength behind my actions. Accepting his grace in breaking chains and moving forward with clean actions.
Ephesians 5:6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.
1 Corinthians 16:13 Be watchful. Stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.